Quetzalcoatl

So it’s been quiet on here recently but I wanted to get everything that’s been happening and all things I’ve been feeling down. It’s a way to rid myself of thoughts and helps process and move onto a freer version of myself. So…where to begin…where we left off I guess. Last post was a gushing one about joy. This one, there is always joy, but with that, there will always come hardship so we know what joy is. June head-butted me and my lip turned infected. It got worse and my jaw where my glands are were all swollen. Doctor prescribed antibiotics and told me to visit my dentist. The dentist said wait for more pain or wait for this to work its way out. Thankfully, it was the latter. The pain and swelling went down and I’m now left with a tiny lump. It’s nearly healed. I’m glad my body healed. It was a week of feeling totally run down. Apart from that, half term has been great. Oscar has been trying to finish the hallway off but he’s annoyed he hasn’t finished it. We’ve been on lots of adve...

It feels like I've posted a few pieces recently that were rather heavy. Maybe that's the reason why it's Monday and I needed last week off from writing. I had nothing left in me to write. But it wasn't emptiness I felt, I was replete. Maybe I've made amends with a few demons and traumas from my past. Maybe I've passed a difficult time with my own self and become more content. Whatever has happened, I feel good.  I no longer spend time putting photos on social media. I don't have the energy. I can share a few with friends or family if I need to but I'd rather focus on reading than sharing moments that can be stilled in my phone and kept personal. It's also made me take photos less but of better quality. Anything to use my phone less.  I don't even have a thirst for wine. When I'd be having a hard day, I'd reach for wine - now, I'm listening to myself that maybe a cup of tea (loose leaf decaf Assam is a new favourite) would do. And it d...

Therapy. It seems like America is addicted to it yet over here, across the pond, we're allergic to tell people about our therapy. Mine, for now, seems to be this: writing. Once a week, on a Thursday morning. But today, it's Wednesday evening because I’m already thinking about this post and I have the urge to write it down. During a bad time in my life, where I wasn’t sure where life was headed, I met with a doctor therapist who would help me know which way to go. She told me how anxiety and excitement are close to each other with how our body deciphers it. Sometimes we don’t know one from the other. She also taught me that when in doubt, I should know that within me ‘I got this’. She helped me realise that I needed my inner me to be my pillar of strength and how I needed to have an underlying voice telling myself that I can get through anything. Self confidence. I don’t think we’re born with it. We make it happen. I forever grateful for meeting that woman.  We are nearing 4 wee...

It's nearly time to say goodbye to 2022, so I thought I'd share the literary adventures I've been on this year. The embers are softly glowing in the late evening heat and I'm starting to feel a bit more me after a few days of being under the weather. It feels like I'm letting go of a lot of baggage from the last year and my body is telling me to slow down and shed some skin.  I've had to look at the calendar to see what the day is. It's Thursday. Time to write. Christmas was Christmas. Equal measures of joy and exhaustion. Another year to build the traditions of our family. Stockings, sacks of toys, the mince pie and carrot left for FC, the ceiling decorations from the 80s, tinsel everywhere, eating with family, nourishing days of rest with the fire, and lots of rain. No snow (apart from in our magical Christmas Cottage escape). I've taken down the decorations already. The tree is naked and waiting to be thrown out into the street for the dustbin men.  L...

 It's 5:29am and June was up at 5:10. It's an improvement on 4:30am. Usually, I'd go back to sleep until 6ish while Oscar has June downstairs and I wait for Olive to wake up and come up to me but today is different. It's Lacrosse Theory Session Day. The girls are off to Nanny and Bampy's and I've booked out the upstairs room in the Newbury Library to host my little theory session for my U13 team. I've even found them stretchy headbands as an early Christmas present. I used to give out personalised pens to my tutees at school so this feels the same, but different. I love giving small gifts - isn't that the most rewarding thing to see someone's face light up with joy at something you have thought about? Maybe I am in the Christmas spirit, after all. I read somewhere recently that the Christmas spirit peaks at 7 and 33...so it's all downhill from here. Olive is stirring in her bed; I haven't got long. I ran downstairs and made a tea and carried ...

This week has been a stagnant, cold week: but very typical for this time of year. We've had a lovely mackerel dish this week and I made a horseradish cauliflower cream. Yum. Squid tonight as I raided the deli counter the other day for the special offers.  This time of year when we can't escape outside as easily, the girls test my patience and pull my heartstrings more than anything. They have very small attention spans so staying inside for a whole morning or a whole afternoon can be testing, especially when it gets dark so early. We've been out for frosty dark walks to get us all out and ready for a nice warm bath. It feels like the ground is constantly hard and frozen. It's strikingly beautiful. More so than the summer, I reckon. It feels like we've been put on hold and the weather is telling us to retreat back into the warmth and hide away. But we have toddlers, so they need to get outside and thrive off that fresh air to banish all their ailments away.  Everyone...

So today has been a bit different. Another Thursday, but Olive was a sheep at her nursery's nativity. She was emotional after her amazing performance, so she obviously wanted to come home and find Junie-Bugs and Nanny. She came home and then I went to yoga.  This week, I've still been feeling overwhelmed myself. I kind of wish I could cry in the middle of a stage after an amazing performance and be rescued by a cuddly fluffy jumper and be told it was ok. But I'm the fluffy jumper and I have to be the guardian angel to my crying sheep. When life gets too much, I've been starting to get more frustrated than usual. Actually, I think it's just been there since children. I think it's my super protective mode. Going to yoga, eating well, and drinking less wine is what I've decided to focus on. I'm not sure I've reduced my grape intake yet, but I've just finished a yoga class - and my goodness, I forgot how good flying pigeon felt. Or attempting to do a...