It's Sunday, and I was woken up by small little stomps coming up the stairs from our littlest. She snuggled into her perfect little spot next to me and said she wanted a bar. She usually has these fruit bars. She was hungry. The first thing she says when she wakes. Every time. But no, today, she wanted a Naanaa (banana). Once Daddy had found her one, she then proceeded to dunk her biscuit in my tea that he also brought up for us. Our eldest was still snoozing in the spot next to me where Daddy sleeps (she had come up in the middle of the night again and swapped). Daddy then goes downstairs to our littlest one's bed for the rest of the night and we all sleep soundly until I hear those little 6am stomps. Our little family of four. Our happy Sunday mornings.
The eldest then proceeded to gallop downstairs on a mission. Our youngest and I finished the Naanaa and biscuits, and for the rest of the morning, the girls brought me little gifts like chocolate and wine, cards, and painted flowers from nursery. For today is Mother's Day.
Downstairs, we then spent 45 minutes trying to get trousers on our youngest where Daddy eventually just took her out half naked in the hope to dress her at his friend's house. She is driving us up the wall with craziness and love.
With peace restored in the house, the fire on to speed up the drying washing, I decide to write and watch the new Richie gangster series. Baby just kicked in my tummy and this blissful middle trimester of pregnancy has come back to me. The impending new baby coming into the home again, the little nappies, the tiny legs and toes. The slow days. The new bedtimes. The anticipation of new schools. So much to come. Our family growing again. More love to feel and give back.
A little plan is coming into shape with my 'career' too. The story has been bumpy for a while and it feels like I'm constantly navigating my way round keeping my journey going as long as the children are happy. The new hours I've attempted at a little school haven't quite worked for us as a family. It's put too much pressure on Oscar. I'm glad that will change now and I'll be careful to think about that next time. I also missed picking them up from school - and even though having two nights off a week was a luxury - I've had enough to last me a year or two. I can go into the new post-partum fourth trimester with refreshed headspace and the knowledge that that peace will one day be back.
In between that future peace and now, it comforts me that I can continue my tutoring - through ZooWorld Education - and I'm already putting conversations out there. GCSEs don't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon and children still need navigating their way through the mess that are public examinations. It's my strength - those exams - and I feel I should stick to my strengths. They're easy once you know how to manipulate them. Then, through tutoring, I can create the day I need to while the girls are at school. My biggest worry was that I'd only be able to work with local UK children after school hours but that's when I'd be doing school runs and it would clash. However, working with international students, and the changing of time zones because of that, it would mean that I can work in the day for a few hours whilst also maintaining motherhood life with time still to do the housework here and there.
That's the dream, anyway. And we all need small dreams, and big dreams: but today isn't the day to talk about buying a farm...I'll have to make do with making a veg patch in the garden from a flower bed that is far away from thriving in our stony soil.
That'll do for now. More to follow.
I think I might scale the bath down to a shower - this house needs to be in some sort of order before the pickles come home and I'm running out of me time...
Zx
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