And breathe. I finally have some space. I’ve been going through a phase of taking on too much. I will be attending my last official Parent Village today: I will be at four more between now and July as I have organising important specialists to be there, but for now, it opens up so much more space.
Opportunities have come and gone. Some have been taken, some have been taken by others. I’m feeling more me than ever before. It’s glorious. I’m writing. I’m reading. I’ve got book club coming up. It’s 1984 and I might recap some of it but I cannot wait for the discussion when it comes round (I taught it for A-Level at Bradfield so looking forward to getting deep into it with adults).
It’s Easter and there’s chocolate everywhere. Spring is apparently here but it’s raining. All. The. Time. We had a lovely sunny day and now back to rain. Bring that sun back!
There is a big thing I need to write down though. It was stemmed from a conversation I had with a friend about lifestyle, working, and how to find that balance…
There is a lot going on right now with the Mothers around me. Some go back to work and feel no guilt for sending their children into childcare. Some have to go to work because they can’t afford the mortgage unless they do. Some can’t work because their children take up so much headspace that it’s impossible to do a job and look after these little minds. Some don’t go to work because they didn’t expect to feel so drawn to be there for their children. Whatever women do after babies, it’s hard no matter what route you go. All we have to do is do what is right for us as a family. But who comes first: the mental health of the mother or the child? Of course, the mother will always sacrifice her own state of mind. We are expected to stretch so much and our societal system isn’t set up to support the gradual, slow process of bringing up children between birth and school.
Yes, we fought hard as women to get a vote and to get the right to work, to be land owners etc. etc. but most mothers can’t do it all. I keep coming back to the old saying of my old headmaster: “you can have it all; just not all at the same time.”
It feels like, yes, we can work as mothers now but what about the ones who have to reinvent their whole careers because the life they had before would be impossible to keep up after children because a) their workplace isn’t set up for it; b) they couldn’t commit to the hours they used to do; or c) a million other reasons why they might not be able to.
The battle between being an old fashioned Mum like my Nan is fighting with the modern women who goes back to work after a year of maternity leave. In the Netherlands, they only get 3 months. Then there’s the balance of parents who have to create new little ways to make money for themselves or the family whilst still juggling everyone’s happiness. Having the confidence to know your own skills and know how to apply them in order to keep yourself going. That’s hard to navigate but it’s doable and it’s totally freeing. But it all depends on finances of the family.
I think there’s also the problem of society and the idea that we have mortgages that can only be sustained with two people who participate. What if one person had a long term illness? I find it’s not a sustainable way to make sure childcare is supported. I feel like there needs to be a way to prepare for children financially like taking away the monthly outgoings (everyone rents their phone/car etc).
Before kids, I used everything I had to buy everything outright so I had the most minimal payments each month. I prepared to have nothing. I sold my car and bought a cheaper one outright. I reduced my contact lenses so I’d wear my glasses more. Oscar bought me a phone so I’d be SIM only. Oscar did a spreadsheet to make sure we could afford the mortgage on one salary. We buy the most affordable items at the supermarket with non branded products. Then for birthdays, I might pick up a nice bit of fish at the market. It’s living wisely with money but also still being excited by little things.
I’m earning a little now with my volunteering roles so that’s a bonus and I get to buy crafty bits for the girls and we get to enjoy days out. I enjoy being frugal and making dinner from the leftovers. It’s how we were brought up with such big families. Over time, we, as a society have lost that and it’s all too materialistic. However, we’re now capturing that and returning to local ideas and due to what’s happening in the economy right now - it’s time.
It’s time to think of the bigger picture, of what we spend, of what we use, and how we live on our little squares on the earth.
Return to nature more. I’ll be walking more. I’m going to find time for more yoga. For more breathing. For more life. Less busy. Less buildings, more fields. For more holidays with family. And the odd sushi date by myself with a book. For more me.
Comments
Post a Comment