Here comes the slow part of the year. I remember it so well as we were planning a new vegetable patch in our old garden last year. Yes, our old garden. For the first time in ten years, we have moved. People around us know how important this new home is to us. It's made us feel more grounded than ever before, the children are finally free in their big garden of dreams, and the house we live in feels like home.
It's a two bed bungalow. When people visit and see it, they can't believe it's a two bed bungalow but it really is. We can expand here; grow old here. We have an attic space with round windows to work in. We have a garage we will convert to a teenager escape. We have a spare office space we'll turn into Rosie's little room. I've got a craft cottage and an old concrete room with a kiln in. We've put the wood in there from three trees so far (one fell, two chopped down by Oscar's friend). But there's an awful lot of care this place needs. We're getting there. Two new bay windows, two double doors, two back doors, and bedroom windows all replaced. Like for like, brass fittings to blend in. It's now warm.
This place was an old antique shop - they sold art and antiques. The alarms are still all over the walls and in the corner of every room. It has a quiet, calm, peaceful feeling. We're surrounded by about 20 oak trees, and dozens and dozens of other varieties that I can't even remember. I'd need to dig up the tree map but I haven't got my phone - I'm in bed while Rosie sleeps in her cot. I hope this typing doesn't wake her.
I didn't really come on here to talk about the house - I knew I was just needing to write. I wanted to write about how I've had a shift in feelings about things again. Constant shifting is this parenting lark. I found a childminder recently and she would have been such a great fit but something wasn't quite right. It was me. I was reaching out for help because of my exhaustion. I needed the holidays - something happened in between Christmas and New Year. My Mum mentioned that her days would change and I visited her and I realised that I wanted Rosie to have the same as what the other girls had. Fairness.
Olive tried childcare at 18 months but she was so little. She was too little. We only did it because I was having June and I was told it would help her. June didn't go anywhere until she was just over 2, when she joined Olive in her pre-school. Those two have been together through everything together. No wonder they bicker. Rosie coming along has changed everything. We wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be in this glorious, glorious home. I would be struggling to survive with my children at prep school. I would still be at the prep school I was helping out because I knew it was a way for the girls to get better schooling. I would have been working to the bone to afford their schooling. Now, that pressure has been removed for us. Rosie removed that. I was thrown into early motherhood and nesting. But the old home wasn't our nest - it was already shifting into someone else's. My God, I miss that turquoise sink, though (don't worry, I'm already planning a lilac bath...).
So...with me no longer tied to a school and free to explore all options - we have started both girls in the local primary and it's adorable...I just have to stop comparing primaries to prep schools and I'll be ok...I think. And maybe we can dream about senior schools one day...who knows where I'll work in 5-10 years...
Anyway, tutoring is going wonderfully with new pupils and schemes of work that I'm designing myself, all bespoke to the child and their needs. The best bit is that I can tailor it to their interests. I've done Non-Fiction projects on motorbikes, playwright projects on Marlowe over Shakespeare, Christmas themes creative writing, and literature projects where students choose their own genre to study. I'm planning on making a new Spring Poetry Anthology. I will try to complete this every season and learn seasonally. Giving them choices makes them part of learning - part of the fun. I love it.
I don't miss the classroom. I don't miss the classroom. I don't miss the classroom. I do. Of course I do. I know I'll be back one day. And I can use all these amazing resources I've created.
Anyway, this shift that I mentioned - it was one in me that basically realised that the childminder wasn't going to be available in the days I needed her so I would have to create my own fun here. I need to get out with Rosie more - she will be going to my Mums once a week like the girls do and they thrived so much on going there. They love it and I love them being with her. That day is when I get my tutoring done (and two evenings plus one weekend morning) means the other days can be prepping the garden for vegetable growing - what we did last year but three beds rather than one long one. I need to crack on with my own projects without worrying about her not enjoying it. We can have a balance. Her time with her toys and my time with my projects. She's my little shadow and she'll be coming along for the ride, not me handing her over to someone else. Just us. 2026 will be the last year of solely bringing a child into the world. It's so special to do this. It's a privilege but a bloody tiring one.
Come September, she'll have her sisters little uniform and little school shoes. She's already drawing wonderfully and talking non-stop so I think she'll be just fine.
Here's to soaking up every little bit of our third little girl's second year.
And here's to prepping the ground for spring.
ZP x
Comments
Post a Comment