Quetzalcoatl

It's nearly time to say goodbye to 2022, so I thought I'd share the literary adventures I've been on this year. The embers are softly glowing in the late evening heat and I'm starting to feel a bit more me after a few days of being under the weather. It feels like I'm letting go of a lot of baggage from the last year and my body is telling me to slow down and shed some skin.  I've had to look at the calendar to see what the day is. It's Thursday. Time to write. Christmas was Christmas. Equal measures of joy and exhaustion. Another year to build the traditions of our family. Stockings, sacks of toys, the mince pie and carrot left for FC, the ceiling decorations from the 80s, tinsel everywhere, eating with family, nourishing days of rest with the fire, and lots of rain. No snow (apart from in our magical Christmas Cottage escape). I've taken down the decorations already. The tree is naked and waiting to be thrown out into the street for the dustbin men.  L...

 It's 5:29am and June was up at 5:10. It's an improvement on 4:30am. Usually, I'd go back to sleep until 6ish while Oscar has June downstairs and I wait for Olive to wake up and come up to me but today is different. It's Lacrosse Theory Session Day. The girls are off to Nanny and Bampy's and I've booked out the upstairs room in the Newbury Library to host my little theory session for my U13 team. I've even found them stretchy headbands as an early Christmas present. I used to give out personalised pens to my tutees at school so this feels the same, but different. I love giving small gifts - isn't that the most rewarding thing to see someone's face light up with joy at something you have thought about? Maybe I am in the Christmas spirit, after all. I read somewhere recently that the Christmas spirit peaks at 7 and 33...so it's all downhill from here. Olive is stirring in her bed; I haven't got long. I ran downstairs and made a tea and carried ...

This week has been a stagnant, cold week: but very typical for this time of year. We've had a lovely mackerel dish this week and I made a horseradish cauliflower cream. Yum. Squid tonight as I raided the deli counter the other day for the special offers.  This time of year when we can't escape outside as easily, the girls test my patience and pull my heartstrings more than anything. They have very small attention spans so staying inside for a whole morning or a whole afternoon can be testing, especially when it gets dark so early. We've been out for frosty dark walks to get us all out and ready for a nice warm bath. It feels like the ground is constantly hard and frozen. It's strikingly beautiful. More so than the summer, I reckon. It feels like we've been put on hold and the weather is telling us to retreat back into the warmth and hide away. But we have toddlers, so they need to get outside and thrive off that fresh air to banish all their ailments away.  Everyone...

So today has been a bit different. Another Thursday, but Olive was a sheep at her nursery's nativity. She was emotional after her amazing performance, so she obviously wanted to come home and find Junie-Bugs and Nanny. She came home and then I went to yoga.  This week, I've still been feeling overwhelmed myself. I kind of wish I could cry in the middle of a stage after an amazing performance and be rescued by a cuddly fluffy jumper and be told it was ok. But I'm the fluffy jumper and I have to be the guardian angel to my crying sheep. When life gets too much, I've been starting to get more frustrated than usual. Actually, I think it's just been there since children. I think it's my super protective mode. Going to yoga, eating well, and drinking less wine is what I've decided to focus on. I'm not sure I've reduced my grape intake yet, but I've just finished a yoga class - and my goodness, I forgot how good flying pigeon felt. Or attempting to do a...

The dark red blood heart looked up at me as I tore open the chest cavity with poultry shears in order to make some stock. I'd already carved off the raw breast fillets and the legs were already roasting in salt and thyme. The plump and shiny garnet heart appeared beautifully still and I suddenly became sorry for the animal that we were eating for dinner. Oscar said I should appreciate the sacrifice but all I could think about was how his leg broke as he landed - thud - on the ground after a rain of tiny pellets shattered into his flesh. We stuffed it with gorgonzola and made a pearl barley risotto with roasted carrots. Warming in winter. That heart still haunts me.  Sorry for the gruesome beginning but it was the most memorable meal this week. Talking of being haunted, I had to take a shortcut today when I drove to see my best friend's new little baby. I drove through the old town I once lived in. It felt like my old memories still floated in the shadows and I was waiting to se...